Is this the same place that provided those hookers for my Secret Service agents?
Yeah, I’m like Tiger. I like white hookers only.
Look, I don’t have time to hold that jobs creation meeting, I’ve got more important things like campaigning to do.
What do you mean I spent more money on my campaign than I took in, just have Tim print some more money.
Look, I’m not going to that NAACP convention because those people have to vote me. They don’t have any other choice.
Now it’s your turn to talk dirty to me.
Look, I’ve got to have that tee time. It’s the only time I have between all those fundraisers to play golf.
I want you to prepare something for the Supreme Court to overturn the election just in case I lose.
Oprah, you know I want you in the worst way but what am I going to do with Michelle.
Look, I want them to nominate me for “dictator” at the Democratic convention, not president.
David, what am I going to do? My internal polling numbers say I suck in the worst way possible.
Yes thank you Mr. Soros, my bank in the Caymans confirmed your $4 million transfer today. Of course you can count on me to finish the job. It’s been a fun ride so far.
No, Jimmy, I can’t use your help for this one. Big hugs to you and Rosalynn anyway.
Why? Reggie Why?? Just come back to me.
Just stay out of the newspapers and we’ll get you out of this thing as soon as we can, Eric.
Oh Bibbi Netanyahu gives me such a headache.
How long will it take you to come out and fix my teleprompter?
David, are you sure we can’t just use that “hope” and “change” crap over again, this time around?
David, maybe we should have waited until my second term to screw up the economy?
“Hello. Does unemployment pay for vacations, too?”
David, I don’t know why the people can’t accept the concept of socialism.
David, things are so bad out there, there are scandals and what am I going to do about the deficit? Gosh, I suck!!!
“Hello. EEOC? Mitt Romney’s creating a hostile workplace environment for me and I think he might get me fired.”
Eric, I want to you investigate demwits.com for doing un-American activities.
Yeah, I’ve seen some of that stuff on demwits.com. As long as they don’t make fun of me, I don’t care.
What do you mean nobody has anything good to say about my administration on that website we created?
Yeah, I put that caption about Michelle’s eating habits on demwits.com.
“No, I won’t be attending the Convention. I feel I can better serve the country by golfing in Scotland that week.”
“Tell me about the rabbits, George.”
Bet you wonder what my other hand is doing.
Barack Obama patents the new “Presidential Phone Grip”.
Please continue to hold,your call is very important to us. Por favor continúe sosteniendo, usted llamada es muy importante para nosotros.
What did Biden say this time?
Hey, I’m the president of the United States so damn it don’t put me on hold!!!
Please hold, we are going to try to transfer you to someone who gives a DAMN!!!!
Look, Assad, buddy, if you can hold on until after the election, I can help you out.
No, I can’t put any more Muslims into my administration until after the election.
Man, if I could get four more years I could really screw up this country.
David, the only problem with getting four more years is can we still blame George Bush for everything.
David, you know I’ve done a very bad job with running this country, I know I have done a very bad job but luckily for me the American people don’t know that I have done a bad job and that’s all that counts.
yes, I told you money is no problem, I have plenty stashed away in the Bahamas nobody knows about.
Hey, I need you to give me another Nobel Peace prize if you want me to continue the Socialist agenda in 2013. My campaign funds are in the red and another $1,000,000 would help out!
Yes Mr Soros… no Mr Soros… yes Mr Soros… but… but… yes Mr Soros…
That’s right, I’m gonna be lookin’ for a community organizer position late January next year. 3 references, that might be a problem, thanks anyway.