“Forget everything you know. Today I am going to teach you how to slice carrots.”
“The five basic food groups are carrots, celery, arugula, cauliflower, and broccoli.”
“You now work for the government, and you answer to me. Your paychecks will come from Obamacare.”
What you mean you ain’t got no collard greens??
Look! You do this MY way. I am queen!!
Michelle: No, I will NOT wear that silly hat!
It’s not hard, Mrs. Obama. Just take 2 times the numerator, so 2 times 1/3 cup would be two-thirds cup.
How did those white kids in the back get in here?
No, ma’am, we use pork in our corn dogs.
Fess up! Which one of you took Lawrence Taylor’s ring? Turn the kid in and you’ll get an extra Happy Meal.
Will this make my butt look big ?
“That’s right, each of my friends’ children get their own personal chef and we’ll make the little people pay for it.”
The new McDonald’s hires chefs just for Mrs. Obama.
Make sure that these kids only eat things that will make them miserable.
Make sure you save all the juicy meat for me; these little pukes can have Brussels sprouts.
After you fatten all of these kids up, tell them to come to my gingerbread house.
“This is your daily ration, be glad we let you have it.”
Michelle promotes her new campaign “Everyone Deserves a Free Dog”
“Sorry First Lady, we never cooked a dog before”
I’ll be getting my $3,000 dresses because this is what you’ll be getting in school lunch next year.
There are 2 food pyramids, one for me and one for everyone else.
No when we run out of pets we will not be cooking children
What’s with this China woman attending this NAACP convention?
You feed that crap to them like you do Barrack and I’m gonna see to it that you are deported.
What’s with the white hats? You KNOW we don’t like white hats.
I’m allergic…this is a Caucasian-free kitchen, right?
I don’t care who’s wearing the hat!!! I AM IN CHARGE!!!!
No, ma’am, the food pyramid is not in Egypt.
Mrs. Obama, I said it’s a buckwheat pancake on a stick, not Buckwheat’s pancake…
“Where’s the Kool Aid? I specifically said that the kids were to drink lots of Kool Aid.”
You use just a pinch of salt when preparing Barack’s favorite dish, roast dog.
“That kid in back looks like he’s had plenty to eat, don’t give him any.”
“Yea, but we’re still having lobster and sauteed veggies right?”
“oh, I dont care if its a million dollars, the taxpayers ar paying for it”
We’ll distribute all the taxpayers things we confiscated after we eat..
Remember, there’s no dogs in these dog biscuits we’re serving for dessert..
..but, Mrs. Obama, skewered shrimp are perfect for the president’s banquet honoring Media Matters.
“Remember to wash your hands kids, you don’t know where mine have been”
“Do we have to dress like you, or still pretty like us to cook, Mrs 0bama?”
Chef is back in South Park!!!! Hey, where are all the crackers???
Very funny, now give me back my 10,000 calorie “salad.”
If you feed these kids anything that’ll make their butts any bigger then mine, you’re gonna get it.
“This ain’t no bread line, what they talking about bread lines for?”
Boys and Girls if Allah had a refrigerator your name would be in it.
The Soux Chef is Hispanic, not black. How did that happen?
Do you think that this will keep the president asleep until after the election?
“This just won’t do…Barry and I were very clear that all of the house servants must be white!”
“I demand to know who’s responsible for chicken-frying these government cheese sticks?”
“You know kids, President Obama wore a tall white hat when he was in school, but it was shaped more like a cone.”
“You’re not cooking for the U.N. dinner are you Mrs. 0bama? They’ll explode like you did.”
“This is your brain, and THIS is your brain on 0bamanomics”
Ain’t nobody listening at you , white lady!
Are you trying to check out my chocolate nips ?
“Sorry, were all out of Moon Pies”
Just to clarify, Mrs. O, do you want bow tie pasta or Bo Thai pasta on tonight’s menu?
Now don’t give them the food too quickly… they need to look hungry for the cameras.
What the hell is the Honkey in the Chef’s cap here for?
“There will be no “Happy” meals served here, only Angry at America meals, got it?”
This is how the President Woks a Dog!
“You kids are all going to wash dishes until someone confesses to saying that my butt looks as big as Mrs. Butterworth’s!”
“Let’s have the kids grab those prayer rugs in the back and go to the East Room to pray before dinner”
Ms Obama, you wouldn’t really shove that up that white woman’s nose, would you?
“As soon as this photo-op is done, get them on the bus and back to the projects.”
“I get a double helping, forget those nasty kids, they need to know what socialism is all about.”
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