“Damn Jews!”
Damn this padded toilet seat is comfortable.
It says here that I hate Israel. Do I look like a Jooooo hater??
Darn, I thought it said “Bitch” and the story was about me!
I work my entire life to destroy capitalism only to make is stronger. What am i doing wrong?
My greatest accomplishment: Making the ugliest DimWit photo of all time.
Voice in the background: “She’s been dead for 5 days but nobody dares to touch her”.
The Wicked Witch of Washington scours the Want Ads for deals on brooms.
Ms. Thomas, that’s not a toilet.
The truth is buried somewhere in the back…
Ha! People think I’m reading The New York Times but that’s just the front page covering the Al-Jazeera Times.
The press core’s gargoyle!
All the President’s men and all the President’s media men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
“Well I’m not in the obituaries, that’s good.”
“Wigs are on sale. Maybe I should get one with a little gray in it this time..”
Nancy Pelosi’s “before” photograph.
“Well that’s just great, still no jobs for a has been reporter.”
“Katie Couric, I use to look just like that bitch.”
The year is 2022 and Katie Couric takes her morning break.”
Katie Couric botox fail.
Zombies! They’re real! And they need brains!!
Unemployments at 9% my ass, look at all these day labor jobs.
Darn! We finally get a Muslim president I could write good things about and I can’t even remember my name!
Yet another liberal hate monger prone to saying stupid things.
Good Lordy they said the Muppets was supposed to be in theaters today?
Hmm, I like Pina Colada’s and gettin caught in the rain..
Muppet Auditions start today at noon in the briefing room.
Didn’t Jesus say not to cast your pearls before swine?
Turkey vulture scanning wasteland for Jewish prey.
Liberal Soul Mates
Two liberal icons and they’re both on the way out.
My horoscope says I will meet and marry a handsome young man. Hmmm, I wonder what for?
Darn, my pick three number, 666 never comes out!!
I don’t know why they think Michelle’s angry…all of the liberal women look this way…
Thompson and Times in Theatre of the Absurd
Thomas and Times in the theatre of the Absurd
Alone in the White House Briefing room, Thomas culls the NY Times for material so she put her foot in her mouth – again.
Happily sitting amongst all the people who adore her.
Quietly waiting for Dorothy… and her little dog too!
“Iranian scientist assassinated. F*@king Jews I bet. If not, I can make it sound like they did it.”
Stumpy, Grumpy, Mean, and Dumpy
Helen and Her Entourage
“Hmmmmm,,,, this sounds good: win a free trip to Israel.
“Now let me see, which vacation package looks good: Poland, Germany, or Israel?”
Wanted: Grumpy Old Woman to play Wicked Witch in new play “The Wizard of Schnoz”.
Hmmmmm…Sour Lemon Balls are on sale and I’m almost out!
My face did not catch fire and get put out with a wet fork! Who writes this stuff.
Hope someone gets here soon with the toilet paper I’m almost done reading this News paper!
WITCH GO HOME (YOU KNOW, THAT REALLY HOT PLACE?)
Someone please check for a pulse.
Why is my obituary on page A-48?!?
The Press Corpse.
I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!
It says here that liberal women are uglier than conservative women. Who would believe that nonsense?
(Reading the reviews on yesterday’s column)
Helen Thomas searches the classifieds for “Nazi for Hire.”
Helen Thomas searches for news about what her old friend Heinrich Himmler is up to.
He managed to even help drive Twinkies into bankruptcy, there goes the country.
Hey Helen! Go home!!
Nancy Pelosi before Plastic Surgery
Switching from mirrors to newspapers saves much broken glass.
Yesterday’s News
Two Losers: One Print. One Prune.
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“Damn Jews!”
Damn this padded toilet seat is comfortable.
It says here that I hate Israel. Do I look like a Jooooo hater??
Darn, I thought it said “Bitch” and the story was about me!
I work my entire life to destroy capitalism only to make is stronger. What am i doing wrong?
My greatest accomplishment: Making the ugliest DimWit photo of all time.
Voice in the background: “She’s been dead for 5 days but nobody dares to touch her”.
The Wicked Witch of Washington scours the Want Ads for deals on brooms.
Ms. Thomas, that’s not a toilet.
The truth is buried somewhere in the back…
Ha! People think I’m reading The New York Times but that’s just the front page covering the Al-Jazeera Times.
The press core’s gargoyle!
All the President’s men and all the President’s media men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
“Well I’m not in the obituaries, that’s good.”
“Wigs are on sale. Maybe I should get one with a little gray in it this time..”
Nancy Pelosi’s “before” photograph.
“Well that’s just great, still no jobs for a has been reporter.”
“Katie Couric, I use to look just like that bitch.”
The year is 2022 and Katie Couric takes her morning break.”
Katie Couric botox fail.
Zombies! They’re real! And they need brains!!
Unemployments at 9% my ass, look at all these day labor jobs.
Darn! We finally get a Muslim president I could write good things about and I can’t even remember my name!
Yet another liberal hate monger prone to saying stupid things.
Good Lordy they said the Muppets was supposed to be in theaters today?
Hmm, I like Pina Colada’s and gettin caught in the rain..
Muppet Auditions start today at noon in the briefing room.
Didn’t Jesus say not to cast your pearls before swine?
Turkey vulture scanning wasteland for Jewish prey.
Liberal Soul Mates
Two liberal icons and they’re both on the way out.
My horoscope says I will meet and marry a handsome young man. Hmmm, I wonder what for?
Darn, my pick three number, 666 never comes out!!
I don’t know why they think Michelle’s angry…all of the liberal women look this way…
Thompson and Times in Theatre of the Absurd
Thomas and Times in the theatre of the Absurd
Alone in the White House Briefing room, Thomas culls the NY Times for material so she put her foot in her mouth – again.
Happily sitting amongst all the people who adore her.
Quietly waiting for Dorothy… and her little dog too!
“Iranian scientist assassinated. F*@king Jews I bet. If not, I can make it sound like they did it.”
Stumpy, Grumpy, Mean, and Dumpy
Helen and Her Entourage
“Hmmmmm,,,, this sounds good: win a free trip to Israel.
“Now let me see, which vacation package looks good: Poland, Germany, or Israel?”
Wanted: Grumpy Old Woman to play Wicked Witch in new play “The Wizard of Schnoz”.
Hmmmmm…Sour Lemon Balls are on sale and I’m almost out!
My face did not catch fire and get put out with a wet fork! Who writes this stuff.
Hope someone gets here soon with the toilet paper I’m almost done reading this News paper!
WITCH GO HOME (YOU KNOW, THAT REALLY HOT PLACE?)
Someone please check for a pulse.
Why is my obituary on page A-48?!?
The Press Corpse.
I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!
It says here that liberal women are uglier than conservative women. Who would believe that nonsense?
(Reading the reviews on yesterday’s column)
Helen Thomas searches the classifieds for “Nazi for Hire.”
Helen Thomas searches for news about what her old friend Heinrich Himmler is up to.
He managed to even help drive Twinkies into bankruptcy, there goes the country.
Hey Helen! Go home!!
Nancy Pelosi before Plastic Surgery
Switching from mirrors to newspapers saves much broken glass.
Yesterday’s News
Two Losers: One Print. One Prune.